Sharing and caring, mutual respect, longing and
love, coherence and compassion are the hallmarks of human relations that seem
to be fast disappearing into thin air from the realms of our social relationships
Social relationships appear to be
undergoing a rapid transition from a close-knit, coherent and intertwined
social fabric to an isolated, fragmented and self-centric style of living. Mutual
relations are perpetually getting overwhelmed by the rampant use of social
media and electronic gadgets leaving little scope for frequent physical interactions,
sharing, caring and complementary exchanges. Nowadays people prefer to call or
text on phone using short-messaging or social media services to communicate and
seek updates about the welfare of their near and dear ones rather than making a
personal visit for a one-to-one interaction. Paucity of time, prevailing
circumstances, current social distancing norms as well as widening physical
distances play a major role in restraining a personal interaction and taking
recourse in virtual exchanges. However, of late it appears that the intensity,
intimacy and depth of bonding among relations is gradually dwindling due to a
whole lot of inherent and overarching factors.
With constantly rising population people
who were earlier inhabiting selected pockets of villages, towns and cities have
over a period of time migrated towards outskirts and suburbs, building new
houses and settling away from the hustle and bustle of urban localities. This in
turn resulted into widening gaps making it difficult to visit relations too
frequently. Ever-increasing traffic woes resulting into painstaking long jams
have made it more even cumbersome to travel across city centres too often.
Information technology revolution that enables free video calling and seamless online
meetings has considerably minimized the yearning for personal meetings. In
spite of having revolutionized digital connectivity, technology can be partly
blamed for expanding physical distances and divides. Fiercely competitive times
have also made people somewhat self-obsessed spending most of their time either
in their own work or other daily domestic chores concerning their families. All
this has resulted into a crumbling social fabric and waning inter-personal relations.
In general it has been observed that
lack of care and concern for each other, diminishing love and affection in relations
is fast turning into a stark reality of our contemporary world. It is a sad
thing that unhealthy competition, one-upmanship and ego-clashes are now ruling
the roost. There used to be frequent family get-togethers earlier during
festivals, weddings and other auspicious occasions, sometimes merely to consult
each other while bracing up for any big decisions or changes in their lives but
now, people have become more independent and prefer to take all their decisions
themselves without consulting others. This might have its own merits as well as
demerits. While it ensures self-sufficiency sans any interference, at the same
time it broadens the divide between relations and could sometimes lead to bad
decisions too. As they say, man is a social animal who ought to have social circles,
emotional bonds and community linkages. Sharing and caring, mutual respect, longing
and love, coherence and compassion are the hallmarks of human relations that
seem to be fast disappearing now into thin air from the realms of our social
framework.
One of the major reasons for fractured
relationships could also be attributed to unreasonable expectations and unduly
judgemental behaviour. While it is quite natural to expect help, empathy and
concern from relatives in times of need and distress, it may not be fair to
expect an intense involvement of the kin in each and every matter owing to their
over-occupation with their livelihood worries and domestic chores. Nevertheless
it is quite reasonable to expect a word of appreciation and adoration from your
near and dear ones in joyful times of noteworthy achievements and also a word
of solidarity and sympathy in times of distress and grief. This is what friends
and relations are meant for. It does hurt deep within when relations turn
indifferent, apathetic and unconcerned in such significant moments of one’s
life. Mutual relations should be absolutely free from all sorts of bias, ill-will,
hatred, jealousy, strife and discord. They should be governed by the principles
of love, affection and harmony. We need to give due respect to the elders and
shower unconditional and selfless love and affection to the youngsters. Nurturing
egos should not gain precedence over valuing the kinship. As the proverb goes,
“Nurturing his ego, he felt six feet tall, little did he know, pride cometh
before the fall.”
In Kashmir there is a saying that “Panenyev
china manaemet paygambar” meaning
that even prophets are not valued by their acquaintances. Probably this proverb
aptly reflects the main cause of discontent among relations in the society.
Somehow we tend to ignore, undermine and belittle at times, the achievements,
capabilities and calibre of our kith and kin. “Ghar ki murgi” appears “daal
barabar” to us and this sows the seeds of disillusionment and distancing
among relations. We often ignore and fail to acknowledge and applaud the feats
and accolades won by our friends and relatives, thus purposely or
unintentionally sending a wrong signal of our apathy and indifference to them.
This gets subsequently paid back to us in the same coin at our own turn and the
vicious cycle continues. With the passage of time grouse and regrets keep
piling and the relations continue to progressively get strained. We fail to
realize that after all it costs nothing to expend a few words of admiration with
a simple intent to enhance the spirit of camaraderie and companionship. Instead
we choose to hold on to our big fat ego and thereby antagonize our relations.
Sir Walter Scott has written in his
hugely popular novel Guy Mannering that “blood is thicker than water” implying that
the family relationships and loyalties lay the strongest foundations of one’s life.
In Kashmir we also believe that “rishte gov
naar draav soan”; relations like molten gold come out purer after passing
through fire. Relations may temporarily become sour but they do not perish. At
the end of the day they flourish and stand every test of time. We need to
understand the simple fact that life is too short to nurture hatred, jealousy
and malice in our hearts. Life could be a lot more enjoyable in the loving company
of our well-wishers, friends and relatives. We need not reciprocate
indifference and apathy with the like since an eye for an eye makes the whole
world blind. No matter how low someone stoops we can still maintain our own
dignity, decency and ethos in life. Instead of resorting to vengeance if we
reciprocate rudeness with courtesy and kindness, apathy with care and
graciousness, selfishness with generosity, insensitivity with thoughtfulness
and so on, our life would be lot more better.
We can embed ourselves into a strong and
rich social fabric by following the basic principle of solidarity through mutual
acceptance. In this regard, Moulana Rumi has often been quoted as saying, “non-acceptance
of uncertainty leads to fear, its acceptance leads to adventure; non-acceptance
of good in others leads to envy, its acceptance leads to inspiration;
non-acceptance of things beyond one’s control leads to anger, its acceptance
leads to tolerance and non-acceptance of a person with all his infirmities and undesirable
traits leads to hatred whereas unconditional acceptance leads to love and
affection”. Brooks also argues that “separability amid situatedness requires a
covenant rather than a contract among people”. He goes on to differentiate the
two as, “People in a contract provide one another services, but people in a covenant
delight in offering gifts.” Therefore it is advisable to sustain relations
without expecting undue favours from them.
